Red in everywhere - Rin
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Ikäraja: -K3- - Kieli: Suomi - Osia: 1 - Pituus: 449 sanaa, 2721 merkkiä - Kommentteja: - Julkaistu: 2006-07-26 20:41:35
English. raakaa.jos ei osaa englantia, on aivan liian nuori lukemaan tätä. teitä on varoitettu.
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There was blood everywhere. Members of humanbody were laying everywhere.
The heads, were they with their bodies or without, have fearfull or painfull look in their faces.
But yet, there was one boy, the only survivor in whole village, standing. He was standing in the mixture of blood and mud, midle of all dead, his face turned down. His little, tiny figure was red because of blood, like he had dressed in blood. And he was laughing.
He was looking nowhere, but still he was looking everything around him. There were babies, children`s in his age and adults. All had died. His best friends were laying around him. His enemies were laying there. His eyes were shiny because of tears, not because they were the eyes of youthfull child.
And he laught like he had heard the best joke in world. "You are all fools!", he cried to the dark night sky. "You all deserved to die !"
He didn`t notice that he was fallen in his knees to mud.He closed his eyes. "to die" he whispered quietly to himself.
___________________________________________________________________________________
After that, the boy left the village. He didn`t even notice he was walking.
He was going, yet he hadn`t anywhere to go.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Years had passed, but boy hadn`t really notice, or just didn´t care anymore.
He hadn`t ate in weeks and he had lived all this time like a rat.
Now he was sitting besides the wall. He had put his little arms around his knees and looked down.A pityfull smile was plaing in his lips.
It took a moment for him to realice there was legs near him. He looked up. Legs belong to a tall man, who had bandages all over his head but had no shirt on him. The man looked coldly right into his eyes.
"What`s your name kid", man asked with low voice.
"Haku" boy answered.
The man was silent for a moment, thinking.
"Come with me kiddo", Man started to walk.
And the boy followed him with a smile on his face
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anteeksi hirmuisena jos olen saanut aikaan kirjotus virheitä tai kirjoittanut sanat.. väärin. Korjaus ehdotuksia otetaan vastaan :D
Hirmuisen suuret kiitokset Jadeilelle, joka vaivautui metsästämään kirjoitus virheitä ja muuta tästä ficistä :D Korjaillut olen ja jos joku muu vielä löytää korjaan nekin ^^
The heads, were they with their bodies or without, have fearfull or painfull look in their faces.
But yet, there was one boy, the only survivor in whole village, standing. He was standing in the mixture of blood and mud, midle of all dead, his face turned down. His little, tiny figure was red because of blood, like he had dressed in blood. And he was laughing.
He was looking nowhere, but still he was looking everything around him. There were babies, children`s in his age and adults. All had died. His best friends were laying around him. His enemies were laying there. His eyes were shiny because of tears, not because they were the eyes of youthfull child.
And he laught like he had heard the best joke in world. "You are all fools!", he cried to the dark night sky. "You all deserved to die !"
He didn`t notice that he was fallen in his knees to mud.He closed his eyes. "to die" he whispered quietly to himself.
___________________________________________________________________________________
After that, the boy left the village. He didn`t even notice he was walking.
He was going, yet he hadn`t anywhere to go.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Years had passed, but boy hadn`t really notice, or just didn´t care anymore.
He hadn`t ate in weeks and he had lived all this time like a rat.
Now he was sitting besides the wall. He had put his little arms around his knees and looked down.A pityfull smile was plaing in his lips.
It took a moment for him to realice there was legs near him. He looked up. Legs belong to a tall man, who had bandages all over his head but had no shirt on him. The man looked coldly right into his eyes.
"What`s your name kid", man asked with low voice.
"Haku" boy answered.
The man was silent for a moment, thinking.
"Come with me kiddo", Man started to walk.
And the boy followed him with a smile on his face
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
anteeksi hirmuisena jos olen saanut aikaan kirjotus virheitä tai kirjoittanut sanat.. väärin. Korjaus ehdotuksia otetaan vastaan :D
Hirmuisen suuret kiitokset Jadeilelle, joka vaivautui metsästämään kirjoitus virheitä ja muuta tästä ficistä :D Korjaillut olen ja jos joku muu vielä löytää korjaan nekin ^^
Kommentit (Lataa vanhempia)
Jadeile
- 2006-07-26 21:36:44
"There was blood in everywhere." ei tarvitse sanaa in.
"The heads, were they with their bodies or without, have fearfull or painfull look in their faces." Huu, olin totaalisen myyty tuossa vaiheessa, tuo on niin hienosti sanottu<3
"...like he had dresset in blood.And he was lauhging..." dressed, laughing. Ja välilyönti pisteen ja andin väliin.
"...child`s in his age and adults..." children.
"...not because they were the eyes of yuothfull child..." tarkoitat youthfull.
"You all deserved to die you feakers!" ehkä en vain tunne sanaa feaker, tai sitten siinä kuuluisi olla faker tai jokin muu sana.
"...he whispered quetly to himself..." guietly.
"...After that, the boy leave the village..." left, ei leave.
"...He hadn`t eat in weeks..." ate, ei eat.
"...Now he was siting besides the wall..." sitting, kahdella t:llä.
"...He had put his litlle arms around his knees..." pitäisi olla little. Ja tuon kyseisen lauseen loppupisteenpisteen ja seuraavan lauseen ensimmäisen kirjaimen välistä näyttäisi puuttuvan välilyönti.
"It take a moment from him to realice, there were legs near him..." took, for, realize, ei pilkkua, was.
"...Leg belongs to a tall man..." belong, ilman ässää.
"...the man looked right into his eyes coldly..." pitäisi olla ennemmin "The man looked coldly right into his eyes."
"...What`s your name cid..." jos tarkoitat lapsi, niin se on kid.
"...Come with me cido..." kiddo.
Siinä oli korjausehdotuksia. Lisäksi jossain tuolla seassa oli myös kohtia, joissa unohdit pilkun jälkeen laittaa välilyönnin, mutta niitä en jaksanut koota.
No niin, mutta nyt itse tarinasta^^ Varsin kiva, vaihteeksi näkee jotain Hakusta ja Zabuzastakin, vaihtelu tosiaan virkistää. Ja raaka, kyllä, mutta viihdyttävä ainakin niille, jotka lukevat rivien välistä ja katsovat pintaa syvemmälle. Tosin Haku oli vähän ooc, koska minun mielestäni hän ei sarjassa vaikuttanut noin koston- ja murhanhimoiseltaO.o Pikemminkin ehkä melkein katuvalta ja surulliselta, toivon menettäneeltä. Tämä Haku kuulosti Gaaralta.
Mutta kyllä minä silti kolme pistettä tästä annan. Itse asiassa kolme ja puoli olisi minusta sopiva määrä (mutta sitä ei voi antaa), neljä taas on jo vähän liikaa. Joten kolme siis.
"The heads, were they with their bodies or without, have fearfull or painfull look in their faces." Huu, olin totaalisen myyty tuossa vaiheessa, tuo on niin hienosti sanottu<3
"...like he had dresset in blood.And he was lauhging..." dressed, laughing. Ja välilyönti pisteen ja andin väliin.
"...child`s in his age and adults..." children.
"...not because they were the eyes of yuothfull child..." tarkoitat youthfull.
"You all deserved to die you feakers!" ehkä en vain tunne sanaa feaker, tai sitten siinä kuuluisi olla faker tai jokin muu sana.
"...he whispered quetly to himself..." guietly.
"...After that, the boy leave the village..." left, ei leave.
"...He hadn`t eat in weeks..." ate, ei eat.
"...Now he was siting besides the wall..." sitting, kahdella t:llä.
"...He had put his litlle arms around his knees..." pitäisi olla little. Ja tuon kyseisen lauseen loppupisteenpisteen ja seuraavan lauseen ensimmäisen kirjaimen välistä näyttäisi puuttuvan välilyönti.
"It take a moment from him to realice, there were legs near him..." took, for, realize, ei pilkkua, was.
"...Leg belongs to a tall man..." belong, ilman ässää.
"...the man looked right into his eyes coldly..." pitäisi olla ennemmin "The man looked coldly right into his eyes."
"...What`s your name cid..." jos tarkoitat lapsi, niin se on kid.
"...Come with me cido..." kiddo.
Siinä oli korjausehdotuksia. Lisäksi jossain tuolla seassa oli myös kohtia, joissa unohdit pilkun jälkeen laittaa välilyönnin, mutta niitä en jaksanut koota.
No niin, mutta nyt itse tarinasta^^ Varsin kiva, vaihteeksi näkee jotain Hakusta ja Zabuzastakin, vaihtelu tosiaan virkistää. Ja raaka, kyllä, mutta viihdyttävä ainakin niille, jotka lukevat rivien välistä ja katsovat pintaa syvemmälle. Tosin Haku oli vähän ooc, koska minun mielestäni hän ei sarjassa vaikuttanut noin koston- ja murhanhimoiseltaO.o Pikemminkin ehkä melkein katuvalta ja surulliselta, toivon menettäneeltä. Tämä Haku kuulosti Gaaralta.
Mutta kyllä minä silti kolme pistettä tästä annan. Itse asiassa kolme ja puoli olisi minusta sopiva määrä (mutta sitä ei voi antaa), neljä taas on jo vähän liikaa. Joten kolme siis.
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